It’s been about six months since I’ve last written you all. First, let me thank you for not deleting yourselves from our Facebook Group. To reintroduce myself - I’m Tony, one of the owners of The Pear. Occasionally I get bored and write a quasi-funny blog type thing. Well here it is! A blog about the holidays (what else)!
The main reason I enjoy this time of year is because you are essentially forced to spend time with friends and family… and I mean “forced” in a good way. It gives you a reason to get together. Everyone is around, no one is working, time is on your side. With my family, these get-togethers usually involve awkward conversations and a distant uncle asking me for stock tips (because in my family if you have a desk job, you’re obviously a stock-broker). With my friends though, these get-togethers consist mostly of exaggerated stories, off-color jokes, plenty of laughs and of course, a few cocktails.
Last weekend, my friends and I kicked off the holiday season how we always do – On Black Friday, rather than standing in line at 3am waiting for the doors of Target to open, we went to dinner (gentlemen only). The night started off slowly with appetizers and wine, but quickly took a turn for the better when I heard my brother Dom order, “10 shots of Sambuca, chilled.” 5 hours later, the night ended in a blur. The next morning (afternoon) when I woke up, I slowly put the pieces back together, all while chuckling to myself about the night’s shenanigans.
There is a point to this story other than telling you how drunk I got last Friday – During the holiday season, good times happen often and out of the blue. My Black Friday was a great chance to relive old times with the guys I grew up with, but with a slightly more responsible twist than when we used to drink Milwaukee’s Best in the woods. Knowing that we’d likely have a few too many drinks, we reserved a personal chauffeur from The Pear to drive us around for the night. I really can’t say enough about what that does for your morale and peace of mind during a night out. Knowing that someone would be driving me and my car home allowed me to let my hair down (come on, that’s funny) and focus on enjoying a reunion that, with each passing year, happens less often that it should.
Don’t let anything keep you from fully enjoying the company of good friends and family. You don’t have to cut the night short and certainly shouldn’t have to turn down another drink, another story, or another laugh. Reserve The Pear for your nostalgic gatherings and get not only a ride home, but peace of mind to fully enjoy these good times. You can’t put a price tag on that… but if you had to, it would probably cost $20 fixed fee + $2/mile ;)
Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Qwanza/whatever else you people celebrate,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Meet the Drivers
I think that one of the main reasons people love The Pear so much is because unlike taxi services, our drivers don’t look like child molesters. In fact, it is quite the contrary; our drivers are some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my life. For those of you who have used our service before – you should recognize these qualities of your favorite drivers; for those of you who are still hesitant, this should persuade you. Let’s meet some of the drivers (the ones who consented to me writing this):
Jeff McCormick http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=729678449 – our longest tenured driver, Jeff is arguably also our most “caring.” Not only does he ensure that you and your vehicle get home safely, but he routinely texts our female customers well into the night to be sure they get to bed safely. He’s known by such nicknames as “Marty” and “Pear Bear,” has a mean sneaker collection, and can found snacking on candy bars in between trips.
Michael Roth http://www.facebook.com/mrmroth – silky smooth and eager to please, Mr. Roth only helps out with The Pear to support his golf addiction. When he isn’t on the golf course, he is likely thinking of clever acronyms for obscene phrases. Holds the record for most cancellations in a night (all his trips cancelled).
Gio Poliziani http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1459440045 – considered a rebel by some for often wearing a plain green tee shirt instead of his standard-issued Pear tee (claiming that his Pear tee is in the laundry because he wears it so much during his free time). Gio enjoys taking days off and has a bowl of Quaker Honey Graham Oh’s every afternoon when he wakes up. He once beat my ass at golf by 6 strokes on just 9 holes.
Jon Ptak – too cool for a Facebook profile, Jon is our Cristiano Ronaldo of drivers. He’s got abs on top of abs, and holds the record for most consecutive trips completed without a shirt on. An amateur boxing champion, “Big Jon Stud” also enjoys opening “pry-off” bottles with his bare hands and scouring YouTube for funny videos. On his first ever Pear trip, he received a $120 tip.
Steve Schohn http://www.facebook.com/steveschohn – a world traveler, Steve enjoys spending his weekends in Las Vegas, Manhattan, and Reading, PA. Often called the “weeknight delight” for his partiality towards weeknight over weekend shifts… Steve is also a professional photographer when he’s not on the clock (www.srspgh.com).
Katrina Cahill http://www.facebook.com/katrinamassawesome – the most stunning and probably the hardest-working member of our team, once being quoted as yelling deliriously, “I DON’T NEED SLEEP!” Katrina is also the keeper of our coveted breathalyzer device, in part because she never gave it back to us after I blew the infamous 0.22 at 10pm a few months back. Regardless of where you call home, there is a good chance that “Kat” knows someone from there.
Ciana Cahill http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000626952342 – one of our newest additions and the 2nd part of the Cahill crew, she saw how screwed up sister Katrina’s sleeping schedule had become and just had to join in. I don’t really know much else about Ciana, but she seems just fabulous.
Dave Hughes, Mike Machajewski, Lindsay Pavlick – all brand-spanking new members of the team who I know nothing about, other than the fact that they have clean driving/criminal records, look great in green, and will probably get initiated/hazed by some of our more frequent customers. If you know anything about any of these people, please let me know!
There you have it, folks. Be sure to stalk these people on Facebook or shake their hands when you see them on the street. They’re giving up their weekends to get you home safely (and to make money, but mostly to get you home safely).
Have a safe and fun holiday weekend.
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
P.S. Honorable mentions to those who have helped us out in a pinch but aren’t regularly on the rotation – Becky Signorello, Dom Ciotti, Joe Ciotti, Nina Ciotti, JR Conley, Jade Nicole, Nick Mineo.
Jeff McCormick http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=729678449 – our longest tenured driver, Jeff is arguably also our most “caring.” Not only does he ensure that you and your vehicle get home safely, but he routinely texts our female customers well into the night to be sure they get to bed safely. He’s known by such nicknames as “Marty” and “Pear Bear,” has a mean sneaker collection, and can found snacking on candy bars in between trips.
Michael Roth http://www.facebook.com/mrmroth – silky smooth and eager to please, Mr. Roth only helps out with The Pear to support his golf addiction. When he isn’t on the golf course, he is likely thinking of clever acronyms for obscene phrases. Holds the record for most cancellations in a night (all his trips cancelled).
Gio Poliziani http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1459440045 – considered a rebel by some for often wearing a plain green tee shirt instead of his standard-issued Pear tee (claiming that his Pear tee is in the laundry because he wears it so much during his free time). Gio enjoys taking days off and has a bowl of Quaker Honey Graham Oh’s every afternoon when he wakes up. He once beat my ass at golf by 6 strokes on just 9 holes.
Jon Ptak – too cool for a Facebook profile, Jon is our Cristiano Ronaldo of drivers. He’s got abs on top of abs, and holds the record for most consecutive trips completed without a shirt on. An amateur boxing champion, “Big Jon Stud” also enjoys opening “pry-off” bottles with his bare hands and scouring YouTube for funny videos. On his first ever Pear trip, he received a $120 tip.
Steve Schohn http://www.facebook.com/steveschohn – a world traveler, Steve enjoys spending his weekends in Las Vegas, Manhattan, and Reading, PA. Often called the “weeknight delight” for his partiality towards weeknight over weekend shifts… Steve is also a professional photographer when he’s not on the clock (www.srspgh.com).
Katrina Cahill http://www.facebook.com/katrinamassawesome – the most stunning and probably the hardest-working member of our team, once being quoted as yelling deliriously, “I DON’T NEED SLEEP!” Katrina is also the keeper of our coveted breathalyzer device, in part because she never gave it back to us after I blew the infamous 0.22 at 10pm a few months back. Regardless of where you call home, there is a good chance that “Kat” knows someone from there.
Ciana Cahill http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000626952342 – one of our newest additions and the 2nd part of the Cahill crew, she saw how screwed up sister Katrina’s sleeping schedule had become and just had to join in. I don’t really know much else about Ciana, but she seems just fabulous.
Dave Hughes, Mike Machajewski, Lindsay Pavlick – all brand-spanking new members of the team who I know nothing about, other than the fact that they have clean driving/criminal records, look great in green, and will probably get initiated/hazed by some of our more frequent customers. If you know anything about any of these people, please let me know!
There you have it, folks. Be sure to stalk these people on Facebook or shake their hands when you see them on the street. They’re giving up their weekends to get you home safely (and to make money, but mostly to get you home safely).
Have a safe and fun holiday weekend.
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
P.S. Honorable mentions to those who have helped us out in a pinch but aren’t regularly on the rotation – Becky Signorello, Dom Ciotti, Joe Ciotti, Nina Ciotti, JR Conley, Jade Nicole, Nick Mineo.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Pear Experience
Hi there!
What good is owning a business if you can’t sample the goods every once in a while, right? About two Fridays ago, I realized that it had been a while since I did a surprise “quality review” of our company. I had a “night out” and some friends were doing happy hour, so I decided to let Mike know that I would be requiring The Pear’s services. I was feeling really frisky and ambitious that night, so I made a reservation for late night – 10-10:30pm to be exact.
It’s a beautiful spring day in Pittsburgh, and the venue this early evening was Cadillac Ranch in Settler’s Ridge. Great happy hour spot if you live in the area. So around 6:30pm we get a table outside, and I proceed to party like it’s 1999. I’m drinking scotch whiskey like W.C. Fields and doing shots like Andy Dick after a show at the Boston Improv http://www.flickr.com/photos/42031699@N04/3876670510/
Long story short, by 9pm I’m texting Mike asking who my drivers are going to be so I can call them and see if they’re close. I was out of control and needed to be tucked in.
Around 10pm, Gio and Katrina show up with a trick up their sleeve. Gio pulls out a breathalyzer like he’s the Mount Lebanon Police Department, and away I blow. My “score” was a respectable 0.20, two and a half times the legal limit. Not bad for a happy hour in Robinson. The ride was a blur and I crawled into bed before TBS was even done playing Family Guy re-runs.
I woke up the next day feeling like David Faustino http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/faustinomug1.html after a round of golf with John Daly http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/johndalymug1.html followed by a night out with Andre the Giant http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/andregiantmug1.html ... but I tell ya (here comes the Pear plug), nothing felt better than seeing my car keys on the dresser and my car in the drive-way.
The point of the story is - go out, get banged up, and have a young man in a puke-green t-shirt with a smiling fruit on it take you home. But seriously, I think a lot us have gotten way too comfortable getting behind the wheel after too many drinks. If you’re going to pull a Tony and black-out by 10pm, reserve The Pear and wake up feeling like Deion Sanders http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/deionmugshot1.html
Be safe this weekend and have a great Memorial Day!
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
What good is owning a business if you can’t sample the goods every once in a while, right? About two Fridays ago, I realized that it had been a while since I did a surprise “quality review” of our company. I had a “night out” and some friends were doing happy hour, so I decided to let Mike know that I would be requiring The Pear’s services. I was feeling really frisky and ambitious that night, so I made a reservation for late night – 10-10:30pm to be exact.
It’s a beautiful spring day in Pittsburgh, and the venue this early evening was Cadillac Ranch in Settler’s Ridge. Great happy hour spot if you live in the area. So around 6:30pm we get a table outside, and I proceed to party like it’s 1999. I’m drinking scotch whiskey like W.C. Fields and doing shots like Andy Dick after a show at the Boston Improv http://www.flickr.com/photos/42031699@N04/3876670510/
Long story short, by 9pm I’m texting Mike asking who my drivers are going to be so I can call them and see if they’re close. I was out of control and needed to be tucked in.
Around 10pm, Gio and Katrina show up with a trick up their sleeve. Gio pulls out a breathalyzer like he’s the Mount Lebanon Police Department, and away I blow. My “score” was a respectable 0.20, two and a half times the legal limit. Not bad for a happy hour in Robinson. The ride was a blur and I crawled into bed before TBS was even done playing Family Guy re-runs.
I woke up the next day feeling like David Faustino http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/faustinomug1.html after a round of golf with John Daly http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/johndalymug1.html followed by a night out with Andre the Giant http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/andregiantmug1.html ... but I tell ya (here comes the Pear plug), nothing felt better than seeing my car keys on the dresser and my car in the drive-way.
The point of the story is - go out, get banged up, and have a young man in a puke-green t-shirt with a smiling fruit on it take you home. But seriously, I think a lot us have gotten way too comfortable getting behind the wheel after too many drinks. If you’re going to pull a Tony and black-out by 10pm, reserve The Pear and wake up feeling like Deion Sanders http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/deionmugshot1.html
Be safe this weekend and have a great Memorial Day!
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Call Anytime!
I think that maybe the second greatest thing we’ve done here at the Pear (besides of course, the radio interview I did with “Positively Pittsburgh Live!”) was setting up our office phone system to allow for voicemail reservations. If you haven’t figured it out yet, we’re not always in the Pear office. In fact, we’re seldom there. But don’t fret – our highly sophisticated phone systems allows call forwarding to all of our cells simultaneously so that The Pear is still always just a phone call away… and whoever answers first wins (loses).
That being said, most of us have day jobs and can’t answer all calls during normal business hours. And sometimes, when our reservation book fills up and we hit the roads, we can’t always answer calls during Pear hours. Again, don’t worry – if you leave a voicemail, it automatically gets forwarded to all our cells, so we check it almost immediately and get back even faster. If this were a late night infomercial, this is where someone would say that our phone system must cost AT LEAST $5,000 a month… but it could be yours for just $29.99 a month.
Sometimes though, voicemail just isn’t good enough for our customers… and we understand. But we also get a fair share of chuckles out of some of the voicemails people leave us. Here goes:
- Pocket-dials – these happen usually once a day… which is great because people have our number in their phones. Sometimes you don’t hear anything but fuzz, but on some rare occasions you get to hear the person (a man) singing along with their favorite Ke$ha song on the radio... it's OK, let it roar - "wake up in the morning feelin’ like P. Diddy."
- Prank calls – These can be anything from a group of dudes screaming into the phone to people telling us they’re starting “The Banana Transportation Company.” Good luck, I say.
- Hate messages - Believe it or not, some people yell at us… and while we encourage any and all customer feedback, when alcohol is involved it is a bit excessive. We save these, actually. For example:
- I’ve been told to “Go f*ck myself, asshole.” More than once.
- One of our most frequent customers told me that he was going to bomb my house… and this was actually in-person when I arrived to drive him home and was followed by a bear hug!
- Another frequent user has told us at least 4 times that he is “done with us,” only to follow-up a few days later with a reservation.
- We got one a few days back from a guy who, after explaining that we were a scam, told us to choke on the chicken bone (to his credit, he did follow that up with “have a good night.”).
- Love messages – you’ll have to see our Testimonials page for those - http://thepearcares.com/testimonials.shtml
Look – regardless of what kind of message you want to leave, we still love hearing from you. Say something funny and you might end up in a seldom-read blog. Remember, it’s OK to drunk-dial The Pear. In fact, it’s encouraged.
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
That being said, most of us have day jobs and can’t answer all calls during normal business hours. And sometimes, when our reservation book fills up and we hit the roads, we can’t always answer calls during Pear hours. Again, don’t worry – if you leave a voicemail, it automatically gets forwarded to all our cells, so we check it almost immediately and get back even faster. If this were a late night infomercial, this is where someone would say that our phone system must cost AT LEAST $5,000 a month… but it could be yours for just $29.99 a month.
Sometimes though, voicemail just isn’t good enough for our customers… and we understand. But we also get a fair share of chuckles out of some of the voicemails people leave us. Here goes:
- Pocket-dials – these happen usually once a day… which is great because people have our number in their phones. Sometimes you don’t hear anything but fuzz, but on some rare occasions you get to hear the person (a man) singing along with their favorite Ke$ha song on the radio... it's OK, let it roar - "wake up in the morning feelin’ like P. Diddy."
- Prank calls – These can be anything from a group of dudes screaming into the phone to people telling us they’re starting “The Banana Transportation Company.” Good luck, I say.
- Hate messages - Believe it or not, some people yell at us… and while we encourage any and all customer feedback, when alcohol is involved it is a bit excessive. We save these, actually. For example:
- I’ve been told to “Go f*ck myself, asshole.” More than once.
- One of our most frequent customers told me that he was going to bomb my house… and this was actually in-person when I arrived to drive him home and was followed by a bear hug!
- Another frequent user has told us at least 4 times that he is “done with us,” only to follow-up a few days later with a reservation.
- We got one a few days back from a guy who, after explaining that we were a scam, told us to choke on the chicken bone (to his credit, he did follow that up with “have a good night.”).
- Love messages – you’ll have to see our Testimonials page for those - http://thepearcares.com/testimonials.shtml
Look – regardless of what kind of message you want to leave, we still love hearing from you. Say something funny and you might end up in a seldom-read blog. Remember, it’s OK to drunk-dial The Pear. In fact, it’s encouraged.
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Pear Cares "historic" Blog is Back!
I know, I know. It’s been a month since I last wrote and you’ve been wondering when the next email/blog was going to come out. Well listen up jerky - I’ve been busy. On a personal note, in the past month I’ve crossed some big to-dos off the list:
• Scheduled a LASIK procedure – are you surprised to hear that your designated driver can’t see for shit
• Hosted a Mexican-themed dinner party that got out of control and ended up with my dear friend Graham falling and puking in a 4 foot high pile of snow
• Been to the China Buffet King more times than I can count on one hand
• Talked baseball with Andy Van Slyke
• Visited Omaha – quick Omaha fact – there is a law in Omaha stating that a man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest (sorry Julian McMahon)
On a professional note, I have some exciting news – we’re moving Pear Headquarters to Pittsburgh’s Historic West End. Off topic - I love how people feel like adding the word “historic” to an area’s description makes it sound classy or cultured; when I hear “historic,” I think of Compton’s “historic” Martin Luther King Boulevard!!!! Back on track – I love the West End and grew up right up the street. It is quaint and centrally located and will definitely make our Pear lives a lot easier. The best part – there is a basketball court across the street. In case you didn’t know, my partners Mike and Dani were once quite the accomplished “ballers” in their heydays. Now they’re old and frail, and I plan on breaking their ankles and perhaps lowering the rim down to 6 feet so I can stuff it on both of them.
In other news, I wanted to briefly introduce you to a concept we have here at The Pear that is going to make me sound like an asshole. In case you haven’t used us, it goes like this - You make a reservation, then an hour before your scheduled pick-up time we send you a text to confirm the time of pick-up and location of your vehicle. Simple right? All we ask is that you respond. Well, we’ve culminated a list of those people who’ve reserved our service then fall off the face of the earth, causing the heartache of not only worrying for their well-being (sarcasm or not?), but also of having drivers sit idle and miss out on trips they could be working if not for the bogus reservation. This list is called The Shit List (clever), and once you’re on it, good luck reserving The Pear again. Like the great George W. Bush once said, “Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. You fool me you can’t get fooled again.” So if you reserve The Pear and realize that you’re no longer in need of our services, no hard feelings… but give us a heads-up in advance, or just respond to that text saying that you’re all good.
Sorry about that. Dani made me do it. Anyways, we’re all going to St. James Place Tavern tonight for a St. Patrick’s Day Eve karaoke party with our pals from BarSmart. Check out the event here. Stop by if you’re into Tuesday night drinking. We’ll be giving away those puke-green colored shirts you’ve been hearing so much about!
I missed you all too,
Tony
• Scheduled a LASIK procedure – are you surprised to hear that your designated driver can’t see for shit
• Hosted a Mexican-themed dinner party that got out of control and ended up with my dear friend Graham falling and puking in a 4 foot high pile of snow
• Been to the China Buffet King more times than I can count on one hand
• Talked baseball with Andy Van Slyke
• Visited Omaha – quick Omaha fact – there is a law in Omaha stating that a man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest (sorry Julian McMahon)
On a professional note, I have some exciting news – we’re moving Pear Headquarters to Pittsburgh’s Historic West End. Off topic - I love how people feel like adding the word “historic” to an area’s description makes it sound classy or cultured; when I hear “historic,” I think of Compton’s “historic” Martin Luther King Boulevard!!!! Back on track – I love the West End and grew up right up the street. It is quaint and centrally located and will definitely make our Pear lives a lot easier. The best part – there is a basketball court across the street. In case you didn’t know, my partners Mike and Dani were once quite the accomplished “ballers” in their heydays. Now they’re old and frail, and I plan on breaking their ankles and perhaps lowering the rim down to 6 feet so I can stuff it on both of them.
In other news, I wanted to briefly introduce you to a concept we have here at The Pear that is going to make me sound like an asshole. In case you haven’t used us, it goes like this - You make a reservation, then an hour before your scheduled pick-up time we send you a text to confirm the time of pick-up and location of your vehicle. Simple right? All we ask is that you respond. Well, we’ve culminated a list of those people who’ve reserved our service then fall off the face of the earth, causing the heartache of not only worrying for their well-being (sarcasm or not?), but also of having drivers sit idle and miss out on trips they could be working if not for the bogus reservation. This list is called The Shit List (clever), and once you’re on it, good luck reserving The Pear again. Like the great George W. Bush once said, “Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. You fool me you can’t get fooled again.” So if you reserve The Pear and realize that you’re no longer in need of our services, no hard feelings… but give us a heads-up in advance, or just respond to that text saying that you’re all good.
Sorry about that. Dani made me do it. Anyways, we’re all going to St. James Place Tavern tonight for a St. Patrick’s Day Eve karaoke party with our pals from BarSmart. Check out the event here. Stop by if you’re into Tuesday night drinking. We’ll be giving away those puke-green colored shirts you’ve been hearing so much about!
I missed you all too,
Tony
Monday, February 15, 2010
SNOW!!!!!!!!
OK, now that I have your attention from the subject of this message… Hello. How are you? This may be one of the few times a year when the question “How ‘bout that weather?” actually merits a response. So – how ‘bout that weather? With an impending snowstorm (#6 in the series, for those of you keeping track at home) making way tonight, you’re probably all sitting there thinking:
A. Not again! How am I going to get around?
B. Again! Now I don’t have to go to work!
C. Who is this random guy emailing me on Facebook?
D. All of the above
Well I’m here to tell you – you’re all wrong!!!! Just kidding. I’m actually here to report, against my better judgment, that there are plenty of things to do besides drinking. I know – counter-intuitive from a guy who runs a designated driver service. But with this crap outside, there isn’t much else you can do. So for all of you out there with cabin fever, I am offering my list of things to do besides going out drinking. For the sake of argument, we’ll lump drugs into this category too. First – things that you should NOT do:
- Go up on your roof and attempt to pour warm buckets of water to melt the snow/ice (DANI!!!!)
- Sled ride to the China Buffet King - because you somehow have to get home from there with a belly full of whatever it is they’re serving up
- Drink and drive (Pear plug!)
Things you CAN do:
- Cook – yes, that stainless steel box in your kitchen actually does more than hold the teapot
- Go bowling – if there isn’t a bowling alley by your house, go fishing in your own aquarium. If you don’t have an aquarium, go outside with a broom and knock those icicles off of your patio
- De-shell a 4 pound bag of pistachios – see my Facebook page – I did this. This can also include picking out only your favorite colors from a bag of Skittles or M&M’s – very rewarding in the end
- Play board games – Gentlemen – I challenge you to find a woman who doesn’t own AT LEAST Scene-It DVD edition, Tribond, Fact or Crap, or Cranium. Learn to play these games!
- Learn some magic tricks – so that you can be that douche bag at the next party doing magic tricks
- Make a chronological list of all of your past “romantic expeditions” – this will most certainly get you into trouble
- Memorize an entire movie, or just watch Will Smith in "Seven Pounds" and cry your eyes out in the end when Woody Harrelson has his eyes
- Play “Rock Band” until you break the drumsticks
- Beat your business partner’s ass at gin rummy for the 30th time
- Write a blog – because it can’t be much worse than mine
Can I PLEASE see you all this weekend????
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
A. Not again! How am I going to get around?
B. Again! Now I don’t have to go to work!
C. Who is this random guy emailing me on Facebook?
D. All of the above
Well I’m here to tell you – you’re all wrong!!!! Just kidding. I’m actually here to report, against my better judgment, that there are plenty of things to do besides drinking. I know – counter-intuitive from a guy who runs a designated driver service. But with this crap outside, there isn’t much else you can do. So for all of you out there with cabin fever, I am offering my list of things to do besides going out drinking. For the sake of argument, we’ll lump drugs into this category too. First – things that you should NOT do:
- Go up on your roof and attempt to pour warm buckets of water to melt the snow/ice (DANI!!!!)
- Sled ride to the China Buffet King - because you somehow have to get home from there with a belly full of whatever it is they’re serving up
- Drink and drive (Pear plug!)
Things you CAN do:
- Cook – yes, that stainless steel box in your kitchen actually does more than hold the teapot
- Go bowling – if there isn’t a bowling alley by your house, go fishing in your own aquarium. If you don’t have an aquarium, go outside with a broom and knock those icicles off of your patio
- De-shell a 4 pound bag of pistachios – see my Facebook page – I did this. This can also include picking out only your favorite colors from a bag of Skittles or M&M’s – very rewarding in the end
- Play board games – Gentlemen – I challenge you to find a woman who doesn’t own AT LEAST Scene-It DVD edition, Tribond, Fact or Crap, or Cranium. Learn to play these games!
- Learn some magic tricks – so that you can be that douche bag at the next party doing magic tricks
- Make a chronological list of all of your past “romantic expeditions” – this will most certainly get you into trouble
- Memorize an entire movie, or just watch Will Smith in "Seven Pounds" and cry your eyes out in the end when Woody Harrelson has his eyes
- Play “Rock Band” until you break the drumsticks
- Beat your business partner’s ass at gin rummy for the 30th time
- Write a blog – because it can’t be much worse than mine
Can I PLEASE see you all this weekend????
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Taking a Night Out
Hello!
A few weeks back, I put in a request with Pear management to “take a night out,” as Mikey so eloquently calls it. While I still haven’t heard back from my superiors on the status of this request, I’ve decided to go ahead and do it anyways. So I’m leaving town this weekend for the first time since we launched this little fruit company. Ironically enough, my last weekend trip was in fact our opening weekend. The stress of all 2 Pear-trips that we had scheduled that weekend was too much for me to handle, so I went to Las Vegas and spent/gambled away not only that weekend’s earnings, but pretty much everything that we’re going to make through December 21, 2012. Phong, the dealer at the high stakes Pai Gow Poker table, loves The Pear and probably misses me.
Anyways, I’m heading to New York City to visit some of my old droogs (Clockwork Orange) from my pre-Pear days. It is sure to be a fun-filled weekend, but I can’t help but feel a little, dare I say, sad to be leaving you all, if even just for the weekend. Here’s why – I’m not exactly sure what will happen in New York this weekend, but I’m sure of what will NOT happen this weekend. Among those things (as you can tell, I’m really into lists and bullet points recently):
- I won’t almost lose a passenger out of a backseat window while she’s vomiting
- I won’t be told by a customer to race the car in front of me, even though that car is actually Dani, and I’m following her to get to the customer’s house
- I won’t stop at Fiori’s on a trip from South Side to Mt. Lebanon , and then have a customer from the back seat feed me slices as I navigate them home
- A customer won’t offer to buy me a drink before I have to designated-drive them home
- I won’t get to hear Mike answer the Pear line by saying “What!? The Pear!? No, no, no, you got it all wrong, see. This is a residence!!!!” (Just kidding, he never did that)
- I won’t get to make up stories to drunk people about where the name “Pear” came from (OK, maybe I will get to do this one)
Come to think of it, never mind. I’m not sad to be leaving at all! Sayonara suckers! Sike, I’m going to miss you all like Brick misses lamp (Anchorman).
But really, have fun this weekend and be good to the rest of my Pear friends out there. See you all on Super Bowl weekend (hint hint – make your reservations now).
Oh yeah – we accept credit cards as a prepayment option now. We’re like a real company. Hooray!
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
A few weeks back, I put in a request with Pear management to “take a night out,” as Mikey so eloquently calls it. While I still haven’t heard back from my superiors on the status of this request, I’ve decided to go ahead and do it anyways. So I’m leaving town this weekend for the first time since we launched this little fruit company. Ironically enough, my last weekend trip was in fact our opening weekend. The stress of all 2 Pear-trips that we had scheduled that weekend was too much for me to handle, so I went to Las Vegas and spent/gambled away not only that weekend’s earnings, but pretty much everything that we’re going to make through December 21, 2012. Phong, the dealer at the high stakes Pai Gow Poker table, loves The Pear and probably misses me.
Anyways, I’m heading to New York City to visit some of my old droogs (Clockwork Orange) from my pre-Pear days. It is sure to be a fun-filled weekend, but I can’t help but feel a little, dare I say, sad to be leaving you all, if even just for the weekend. Here’s why – I’m not exactly sure what will happen in New York this weekend, but I’m sure of what will NOT happen this weekend. Among those things (as you can tell, I’m really into lists and bullet points recently):
- I won’t almost lose a passenger out of a backseat window while she’s vomiting
- I won’t be told by a customer to race the car in front of me, even though that car is actually Dani, and I’m following her to get to the customer’s house
- I won’t stop at Fiori’s on a trip from South Side to Mt. Lebanon , and then have a customer from the back seat feed me slices as I navigate them home
- A customer won’t offer to buy me a drink before I have to designated-drive them home
- I won’t get to hear Mike answer the Pear line by saying “What!? The Pear!? No, no, no, you got it all wrong, see. This is a residence!!!!” (Just kidding, he never did that)
- I won’t get to make up stories to drunk people about where the name “Pear” came from (OK, maybe I will get to do this one)
Come to think of it, never mind. I’m not sad to be leaving at all! Sayonara suckers! Sike, I’m going to miss you all like Brick misses lamp (Anchorman).
But really, have fun this weekend and be good to the rest of my Pear friends out there. See you all on Super Bowl weekend (hint hint – make your reservations now).
Oh yeah – we accept credit cards as a prepayment option now. We’re like a real company. Hooray!
Cheers,
Tony
tony.ciotti@thepearcares.com
http://www.thepearcares.com/
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